At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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