i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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