Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Randomize
