I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
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I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
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I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...