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Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
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