True but thats because hes a fetus.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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