I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
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He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
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While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.