I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes