Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
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In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
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yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water