My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
