put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
