She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
