just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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