there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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