turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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