Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
