Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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