I molested 6 butterflies tonight
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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