This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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