If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Randomize
