I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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