i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
