No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
