we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
