I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
it was like his penis was on wheels.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize