Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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