If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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