i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
