how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
