Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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