i think my mom watched the whole time
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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