i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
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So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
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I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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