Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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