Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
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I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
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damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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