Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
