we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
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All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
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note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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