so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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