well I can't set my house on fire every night
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
