I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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