remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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