cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I just gift wrapped bread.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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