I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
