did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
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Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
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I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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