I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
