Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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