I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
