You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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