That's intense
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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