You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
