Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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