they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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