jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
