I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
