So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
