she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Randomize
