My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
