id be glad to
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Can you bring me the toilet please
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
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