you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
3 2 1 whiskey
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
