you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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