I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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