i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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