She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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