If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
