There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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