i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
