Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Randomize
