Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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