I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
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He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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