my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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