She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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